Polyvagal Parenting

Tanith Carey looks at how attuning with our children can help them regulate their nervous systems’ bodily responses

When my eldest daughter, Lily, was placed on my chest for the first time, moments after she was born 23 years ago, my instinct as a mother told me exactly what to do. I gazed into her wide-open, blue eyes, breathed in her newborn scent, and held her to my skin so she could feel my warmth and touch. As I did so, her crying calmed, her face softened, and she gazed up at me as our heartbeats began to beat in time.

What I didn’t know then was that I was already practising an approach called ‘polyvagal parenting’, which consciously uses co-regulation to help build and shape a child’s nervous system.